- Hey. - Hey. So, what do you think?
New haircut? Necklace? Dress?
Boots? Boots!
They're a little more than I usually spend on boots or rent.
- Oh, my God. - I know.
- I'll miss being able to buy food. - They just looked so good.
The saleswoman was like:
- "These are too pricey for you." - She had a point.
- Hey. - Hi. Oh, my God.
- Oh, Monica, those boots are amazing. - They're mine!
- Too bad we'll have to return them. - Return them? They're gonna hear you.
I'm not returning them. I'll wear them all the time.
I love the compliments.
Have you ever had something so beautiful, everyone wants it?
- I have you. - Nice try. I'm keeping the boots.
The One With Monica's Boots
That's right. I love you.
And I'm gonna play with you all the time.
How can you let him talk to your crotch like that?
- He's talking to the baby. - Oh! Okay.
When he said, "I can't wait for your first words"...
...I thought, "There's a trick."
I gotta go, you guys. I'll see you later.
- Okay. Bye. - Bye.
Can you do me a favor? My sister knows you work at Ralph Lauren...
I am not sending more clothes to prison.
- It is a waste. - Not her.
My youngest sister Dina is interested in fashion.
She wants to talk to someone successful.
- I'll talk to my supervisor. - She wants to talk to you.
Really? Oh, my God. I'm successful.
- Would you meet with her? - Have her come by.
You'll love her. She's the smartest of all the Tribbiani children.
Yeah, you know the SATs? She took them.
- Doesn't Ben go to Smithfield School? - Yeah. Why?
- Sting's son goes there. - He's in Ben's class.
You knew and said nothing? With all the stupid dinosaur stuff you tell us?
Fine, no more dinosaur stuff. Can I talk about fossils?
"Sting's son, 7." There's a picture.
What are you reading, "The Kidnapper's Guide to Manhattan Schools"?
It's an article about the city's best schools.
- So how well do you know Sting? - I haven't met him.
That's too bad. I wanna go to his concert Friday, but it's sold out.
I know! Why don't you meet him and get tickets.
If you get two, I'll take you.
Maybe he'll be there tomorrow.
There you go. You're so lucky. You might meet Sting tomorrow.
That's why you have kids.
- Hey, guys. - Hey.
Hi, Monica. Hi, boots.
See? I'm getting a lot of use out of them already.
You can wear them with dresses, skirts...
Wear them with shorts on the corner and earn money to pay for them.
- Wow, they're beautiful. - They hurt so much.
- What? - The guy who made these...
...hates feet and wants to see them die.
Give them to me. I haven't felt my feet in years.
I can't. I told Chandler I'd wear them all the time.
- Then return them. - I can't do that either.
The soles are scuffed up, and the insides are filled with my blood.
Hey, I just picked up Ben from school.
I don't think you did a very thorough job.
I dropped him off at Carol's.
Anyway, I'm not gonna get those tickets.
Oh, no. Why not?
It turns out Ben and Sting's son do not get along.
- How come? - Sting's son made fun...
...of Ben's moms being "lesbenims."
If they don't get along, smooth things over. Make them be friends.
- You can't force kids to be friends. - Sure you can.
Give them some blocks. Put them in a playpen.
- Playpen? Ben's 7. - Your kid is 7?
He's really small.
- Please get the tickets. - I just can't do it.
- Yes, you can. Sting says so himself. - What?
Ross can
Look, I'm sorry...
Ross can
- Phoebe? - Ross can get me the tickets
Ross can get me the tickets
Here she is: Future fashion superstar.
- Oh, Joey, I'm hardly... - My little sister Dina.
Hi, Dina. Nice to meet you.
- Thanks so much for meeting with me. - This is so exciting for her.
Well, I'll let you two "fashists" get down to business.
Okay. All right, Dina.
Let's talk about the different areas of fashion...
...you could get involved in.
There's design. But you may need another degree for that.
- Sales is great. You get to travel. - I don't care about fashion.
I'm pregnant. You are too. You gotta help me.
Then there's marketing.
- What's wrong? - Nothing. I just was yawning.
Don't forget my office party's tonight.
We don't have to go, do we?
I know that you don't like my parties, but you can wear your new boots.
See? Every cloud has a supple leather lining.
- I don't wanna wear the boots tonight. - Why not?
Your bosses will think they pay you too much money.
Or your assistant will see them and want a raise.
Do you think I work at a boot-pricing company?
I picked out this outfit the boots don't go with.
You said those boots go with skirts, dresses and pants.
Fine, I'll wear the boots.
In fact, I'll go into my room right now and try the outfit on.
Christmas party in my boots!
I can't go in there. I can't tell him.
It's gonna be okay. He's been incredibly supportive of me.
And if he gets upset, that's what the meatball sub is for.
- Thank you. - Okay.
Hey! It's my fashion girls.
- What's wrong? - Why don't you sit down?
Dina has something she wants to tell you.
What's going on? Is it Mom? Is she sick?
Is it Dad's heart?
Is that a sandwich?
- Mom and Dad are fine. - Is that a sandwich?!
Joey, there's something that you should know. Dina?
- I'm pregnant. - What?
Now. Give him the sandwich!
Obviously, this is a mistake. You can't be pregnant.
You have to have sex to get pregnant.
Joe, I tried to wait until I was 25, like you did.
What? Dina...
I can't believe this. You're the good one who went to college!
- Both years! Who did this to you? - Bobby Corso. He's a real nice guy.
- I like him a lot. He's real funny. - You got pregnant for "funny"?
Dina, if he's funny, laugh!
- I'll be back in a while. Stay here! - Why?
I can't look at you right now.
- Wow. - I know.
- Oh, there you are, Ben. - Aunt Phoebe, what are you doing here?
I heard you have a problem with one of the boys.
I thought I'd sit you both down and make it all okay.
Now, the boy's name is Sting's son.
Jack? I hate him. He's a jerk.
Sometimes people may seem like jerks on the outside...
...but they have famous fathers.
- My friend Doug is waiting for me. - Him, you're friends with.
- Can I help you with something? - Yes. I'm looking for Jack's parents.
- Are you with a student? - I'm with Ben.
- Are you one of Ben's mothers? - I am one of Ben's mothers.
I'm a lesbian.
It was difficult coming out to my parents.
Well, hi. I'm Jenny Boon. I'm a new teacher here.
- I've only met your partner, Carol. - That would make me Susan.
Are you looking for Jack's parents to discuss his problems with Ben?
I think the parents should sit down together.
Yeah, let's do that!
That sounds good.
We should sit down and talk. Me, Carol and the Stings.
- How will I get in touch with them? - Their number's on the contact sheet.
Could I get a copy of that? Carol threw it out. She lost ours.
She's such a scatterbrain. But, man, what a hot piece of ass.
- That party wasn't bad. - I didn't know there'd be dancing.
That was a fun surprise.
- I don't see a cab. We should walk. - No, we can't walk.
It's 15 blocks to the subway. Let's go.
Do you think we can get to the subway if we climb through that manhole?
- What's going on? - I can't walk, okay?
- These boots were a huge mistake. - What?
You were right. I never should've bought them. They're killing me.
So I was right. This is what it feels like to be right.
It's oddly unsettling.
How will we get home? A piggyback ride?
- Hop on. - Okay, wait.
Let me just get my boots off first.
Oh, God.
I know you're in pain right now, but I'm a little turned on.
Do you worry that you'll be walking and your baby will slip out?
What college was that, Dina?
Oh, my God. Bobby?
Hi, Dina. Good to see you.
- Joey, what are you doing? - Just what needs to be done.
- Dearly beloved, we're gathered here... - This is crazy.
Don't interrupt me when I'm talking to God!
- Where were we? Do you take this man... - No!
- You'll take him. - I won't!
- You don't get a say. - I do.
- I heard "I do." We're halfway there. - All right, Joey, that is enough!
As moving as this is, this is not legal.
They don't have a marriage license or witnesses, and the groom has one shoe.
Yeah, he took the other one off and hit me with it.
What am I to do?
They are adults and can make their own decisions.
No, they can't. They were stupid enough to get knocked up!
Contraceptives are not always effective. Right?
- Yeah. We kind of didn't use any. - Come on, kids, a little help here!
Wow! This place is incredible!
Sting's pen...
...that he gave to Phoebe.
Come on, secret passageway.
- Hi. - Hi.
I'm Trudie. You must be Ben's mum.
- Why else would I be here? - Why don't you sit down?
They haven't been getting along. I'm sure there are two sides to this.
But all I've heard is that Ben's a "poo-poo-head."
Won't Jack's father be joining us?
I'm sorry. Jack's father's not available.
Then, could we reschedule for Friday night, perhaps at 8:00?
Oh, no, my husband's in concert.
Concert. Yeah. That just put us in quite a pickle.
I'm busy before and after the concert, and he's busy during.
So you and I should talk about Jack and Ben right now.
Unless... Unless...
Okay, I would be willing to go to the concert...
...all the while thinking about the children.
- Are you here for tickets? - Thank you. Four would be great.
I'm not giving tickets to someone who'd use their son like this.
Then you're in luck. Ben's not my son.
I've pressed a button triggering an alarm.
- Any minute the police will be here. - The Police? Here?
A reunion?
Okay, ten blocks down. Five to go.
- Oh, wait! Stop, stop, stop! - Oh, I'm sorry. Do you need a break?
My boots in tan! Can I see the price?
I can see it from right here. It'll cost you one husband.
I can walk the rest of the way now. Just give me my boots.
- I don't have your boots. - Where are they?
Why don't you check in one of my saddlebags while I chew on hay?
Okay. My God, we gotta go back and get them!
Are you ever gonna wear the boots again?
I'll never wear them again. I just didn't get a chance to say goodbye.
You can say goodbye to the tan ones.
- Okay. All right. - Okay.
Bye, boots. Wait! Half off!
Just because they're not getting married doesn't mean it's a disaster.
- Maybe they have a plan. - Oh, okay, let's hear their plan.
What's the future look like for Dina and Bobby?
I really have high hopes for my band.
- You were right. He is funny. - Now wait a minute.
I bet when you told people you wanted to be an actor they laughed.
Tell us a bit about your band.
It's just me and my pal Rooster. The band's name is Numbnuts.
Really?
If you're having a baby, you should be married.
Even if it is to Bobby. Dude, that's not a compliment.
- I knew you wouldn't be supportive. - What are you gonna do?
Have the baby and raise it without a husband?
You can't be a single mother! You'll ruin your life!
- Am I ruining my life? - No, it's different for you.
You're not some kid who doesn't know what she's doing.
- Excuse me? - One pregnant woman at a time, please!
- I just want you to be okay. - By forcing her to marry?
Maybe.
Yeah. So, what kind of music does Numbnuts...
Ah, forget it! I can't!
I am scared to death about this. But I can do it. I just need some help.
- Bobby's gonna be here the whole time. - You bet.
To answer your earlier question, we're straight up gangster rap.
Rachel's told me how easy you've made this on her.
- Why can't you do that for me? - Because you're my baby sister!
And you're my big brother, my favorite guy in the whole world.
I'm not even scared to tell Mom and Dad. I was scared of telling you.
I'd be scared of them, but all right.
I can't stand having this baby with you mad at me.
I want him to have his uncle.
Is my baby gonna have his Uncle Joey?
Of course he's gonna have his Uncle Joey.
We'll be all right. Even if we're not married, this baby will be so loved.
- And not just by us. - That's right.
By his uncle too.
And by you.
Bobby, come over here and let them have a little moment, okay?
Come here.
No, seriously, what's wrong with you?
You're gonna love me so much. I got Sting tickets!
Oh, my God, I do love you! How did you do it?
Well, let's just say:
Ross can
- Where are the seats? - Balcony.
Is that more than 50 yards away...
...from Sting, his wife or a member of his family?
- Yeah. - Then that's not breaking the law!
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